It has been 5 days since we started working from home. As a mom (whose helper needed to be away), it has not been easy. This week was about setting up – physically and psychologically.
I cleaned up my study area, only to realize it can’t work since that’s where my kids play all the time. I tried setting up another nook but pained my back after an-hour of online call. In the end, I had to use our bedroom, particularly on meetings I lead.
I set up my work time. I tried to wake up early. I wake at 5am on most days and tried to spend time writing and focusing on how to plan the day ahead. But my 4-year old almost always wake up when I do and so most of the time I had to switch to attending to her and writing. On some days, I continued with my day even after I put them to bed. But most of the time, I’m dead tired to do so.
And there are the chores! The unending home stuff to do – clean up kid’s mess, cook, wash dishes, give kid’s bath, walk the dogs, water the plants, etc, etc. I’m fortunate to share the load with my husband who on the 4th day decide to just do all the cooking (thank you!!!). We divided the load but for some reason I feel I am always occupied. I realized it could be more of a personal tendency, my semi-OC self of not bearing to see disorganized areas.
Finally, I had to deal with my desire to be “perfect” in everything. I need to be 100% in the meeting. I need to review well all emails and communications. I need to make flawless modules. I need to keep my kids busy without the need for devices. I need to teach Nica her letters. I need to use washable diapers on Zoe. I feel guilty when I slip on these expectations. And so, I cram everything in. And try to be perfect in “my eyes”.
But tonight, I’m just too tired to exert additional effort. I want to rest and breathe. And so we had nuggets for dinner. I am writing this blog while my kids are watching on their devices. I left my husband to his device too. I allowed myself to not feel guilty, a first this week. Because there’s still a long way to go. I have to keep my sanity in the weeks, months to come. I have to remain strong and smart and alert. And I can’t do that if I’m super, duper stressed.
So what did I learn this week? That this work from home maybe chill time for some but for parents it is double work. That I have to choose my battle and stop judging myself for my shortcomings. That it’s ok to put in not-so perfect work. That I need to re-strategize for next week. That I need my husband’s help and so I have to tell him what I need. And that there are beautiful, Godly things in this set-up, many actually. And I should start seeing them more.
Stay safe and strong everyone, especially the mommas out there! We can do this!
Keeping My Sanity 